


Self Harmageddon

by NEONVORE (orphan_account)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Heavy Angst, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-24 00:03:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21090032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/NEONVORE
Summary: "Let this day be about you, and you only. No worrying over Blue, or Yellow or White. Or Pink. Just you. Spinel, what is on your mind?"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at 1 am so i am super sorry for any huge errors or just it being bad in general!

The Earth was much like Steven. It was round, confusing - and filled to the utter rim with surprises. From strange animals, to weird and silly jokes she hadn't even heard of. And Spinel was okay with that. Change was okay, and she was still getting the hang of _change_. While she had moments here and there, she could easily admit even herself that she was more on the finer line then the wobbly uneven path she was on previously.

And the countless encouragement she got from Steven, The Diamonds and even other's she hadn't known was.. Strange.

It made her feel welcomed, not alone. Not forgotten. 

It was something she wasn't used to, and she couldn't pinpoint why it felt so wrong. She adored attention, loved making silly jokes and drastically switching from pose to pose - arms and legs stretching out like pure rubber. But now? It didn't feel good. It made her shift, made her bubbly laughs feel empty and forced out. Like a forced breath, uncomfortable and just _not right._ And she just couldn't share her discomfort with Steven, he was on Earth. And she was on Homeworld, with The Diamonds. It was a drastic change, from standing in silence for thousands of years to suddenly being face to face with old and new gems? It was a lot at once, but there was absolutely no way she would admit of this pressure. 

Because by all means she was fine! She just needed to relax, settle in to her new surroundings and new lifestyle.

Because everything was fixed, and everyone was happy. Yellow was so calm, and Blue and White had fond together with gentle girly giggles as they gossiped of their 'grandson' and his.. Friends.

The ringing of shoes against the palace would ring in Spinel's ears, reminding her of each second and minute that passed by. It was an occurring thing, to keep her steady - to keep calm. To make sure time was still ticking, and wasn't spiraling down into a never-ending stopping point. The Diamond's may of not understood it, but they happily obliged to be of assistance. In the midst of moving Spinel in, they offered her a room. A pink room. Upon first glance, it could almost be mistaken for.. Her room. _Her._ But the dust that settled and empty shelves and empty drawers easily noted that it was never used, and if it weren't for their new guest, it would remain that way. Lone, and empty. Spinel felt a guilt sputter deep inside her ever since she took a foot in the room, and pinched herself to remind herself that this was real, not fake and for the fact _rooms cannot really (maybe) feel._

The barren room was soon to be filled with belongings that were given to her, or once owned by her once upon a time. From wacky gadgets she pulled from her gem, having forgotten them in the back of her gem for years - or simply gives the gentle and soft pink Sapphire's would bring to her. Their soft, and pastel pink pallets left a bitter taste in her mouth. And the Sapphire's knew this. Of course they did.

Gadgets and gizmos to treats the Amethyst soldiers cooked up, and sometimes even a strange stray creature here and there. Something they found, something lost - a strange, tiny worm of sorts.. Except it was round..

A caterpillar, Blue said - eyes lit up with joy and plump lips grinning widely. Steven had brought strange creatures of sorts called 'insects', to show of the more smaller life-forms that could be inherited on Homeworld. Yellow disliked them, White hid in fear (to think, a giantess as herself fearing a tiny worm-thing!) and Blue. Well, Blue adored the strange things. She said it reminded her of.. Someone's own creations, to she once saw disgust in. A bitter, yet sweet memory, she said. And now from her own hands, being held into Spinel's.

She couldn't decline the gift, because she was more then grateful, but the idea of the memory it held left a sour taste in her mouth.

The bug remained in a see-through container, with the correct and needed items it needed to live and 'change' Blue had said. But the stubby worm stayed the same, wriggling around and eating countless leaves. Spinel had named it Buddy. 

But the main gift that Spinel held closely was from Pearl. Not Pink's Pearl, or Blue or Yellow. But, Pearl. _Just_ Pearl.

It had been a shock when Steven came with Pearl in tow, as she nervously shifted and fidgeted around White, seemingly giving an apologetic look as she announced her presence with Steven. Spinel had been playing with the Star Ruby that came around the Palace every now and then, and quickly excused herself in order to see what the noise was about. She hid behind the large, giant doors - and watched. Aware of Pearl's eyes on her, and how she just stared. And stared. 

Then smiled.

Spinel recognized that smile, a smile full of.. Hesitation. Sureness. 

The day went by fast, and blurred together. All Spinel could comprehend was that Pearl would soon be in front of her, fidgeting again - and gently kneeling to meet her eyes. Had she always been that tall? Or did she just feel small.

"_Steven had been talking to me about you._" Of what, she wanted to ask. Of the fact I nearly murdered your planet? Or my countless breakdowns that also, almost lead to death. But she decided against it, and only stared and listened. It was all she was good at, it seemed. Jokes felt wrong, touch felt wrong - everything felt so ugly and sick. What happened?

The Pearl moved her slender hands to her gem and pressed her hands towards her pearl, emitting a.. Book? Of sorts.

Spinel blinked once, then twice, and pouted. She couldn't really guess what it was, she was never good at guessing games - she was more of a tag kinda gal'.

"_I understand that most gems don't necessarily need something of the sorts around them, as its kinda.. Just part of us to comprehend how much time has gone by, in the exact second and so on."_ She turned the book around, and held it in reach to Spinel, waiting for her to grab it. She wanted to, but her hands felt like rocks, and the idea of being touched made her want to pull her hair out. But at the same time, she wanted nothing more then to be touched. So, what was it?

Pearl noticed her, and cleared her through, pulling back to flip it open and explain further.

"_We, gems, have this basically in-bedded in our heads. But human-kind isn't too advanced in that department, for memorization it seems! This is called a 'calendar'. It seems the dates, months and reminders all in order. So you don't forget, and can keep it tidy. It kinda pulls you together, overall. So you know whats coming next, and what happened before. Tidy. Simple as so!" _She beamed, cheeks dusting lightly of a cyan color. Spinel stared at the page, head gently tilting. In the corner was a tiny cat, wearing a.. Pointy hat. In bold words it said 'October'. Spinel found herself fond of the small expression, and finally reached out to grab it.

A reminder, she repeated. To know whats coming next, and what happened before. A reminder. To know that this is real.

"_Well, ahm! I suppose that is one way of seeing it! More on the mental side of what I was explaining, but that is also a way to use it! To remain stable. Tidy! I won't lie, I couldn't see a Spinel ever being so ordered and neat. It almost makes me want to improve my own collections of reminders." _It was a joke, Spinel told herself. Pearl's were not made for jokes, but she couldn't help but smile at the attempt.

An attempt, for her.

The calendar was the first thing you see upon entering her room, small doodles and notes on each day that had past, and a pink pen hanging right next to it. Small drawings of her, sometimes of the Diamonds or other gems she befriended. It almost seemed childish, but Spinel found it held a special part in her heart. Like a reminder that she was still herself, that despite her changes, she was still _Spinel._

The pink gem gently walked around her room, hands tied behind her back as she hummed quietly. Boredom was fast to come, and Homeworld only had so much to do. 

Blue was with White, as they typically went for a daily stroll throughout Homeworld to check on everyone, and how they were holding up. Yellow typically would stay in the palace with Spinel and the Pearls, and really any other gem that wandered in. But instead, she had been messaged to visit the Peridot group - as they typically worked around the connection and messaging system between the Diamonds and Steven, or any other needed calls - which left the palace almost dead silent. No gentle humming from Blue, no loud cackling from Yellow or the gentle tap of White's heels. Just silence.

Spinel grunted quietly and paused her trotting, head turning to look around her surroundings.

It looked more of a human girl's room - a child, as Steven put it upon his visit. Stuffed animals she was gifted remained on the floor, and scattered about. Her bed had many pillows, her blanket askew and drawings and photos messily taped to her walls. Of course save the few gem-made items and tech, it was childish, yet bearable.

Her eyes landed on the rose-gold mirror in the corner of her room, showing her reflection. Her form was the same as always. Dark streaks under her eyes, tired and tear tinted eyes; spiked hair and all. It almost made her feel guilty, reminding her of her past doings. Even despite it all, Steven and (supposedly) his friends forgave her. Even if it had only been.. She hastily glanced to the calendar, blinking once - then twice, then three times and.. 5 Months. 5 Months, it was 5. Yet it feels like yesterday, almost as if only a few minutes ago she slashed her rejuvenator into Steven's friends, and himself.

She shakily inhales, and looks down at her feet, pouting lightly.

The guilt was overwhelming, and it took every ounce of her being to keep her mood high and mighty to not bring down everyone else with her.

It was days like these, she wished Steven was with her.

Spinel moved from her spot, and rather quickly walked out of her room - not paying any attention to the gentle tap of Sapphires and Amethysts walking by, most likely to attend their usual meetings to discuss of what flowers to plant and so forth. And usually Spinel would attend, as well. But not now. It wasn't a good time, and she was willing to admit that for once. 

She gently walked down the halls, listening to her own shaken breathing and soft squeak of her pointed shoes.   
  
"Stupid, weak.." She grumbled, hands bawling into trembling fists. "Why can't I just.. Ask for.." She sniffed, fat tears bubbling in her eyes as she felt each overwhelming thought tug at her at once. "As - Ask.. For help." She whimpered the last part quietly to herself, stopping in her path to look down at the familiar tiling of the hallway. It was sick. Everything felt so wrong, yet she wouldn't bother to ask for assistance. Then did she truly deserve it?

If it weren't for the quiet chime of the Diamond's room filling her ears, then Spinel would've melted into her own pile of tears and rubbery and stretched limbs.

Her head whipped up, eyes widened as she violently rubber at her eyes and snotty nose, face bright with embarrassment and annoyance.

"White and Blue should be back before the afternoon, at least, I think.." A quiet, almost silence voice mustered out, the gentle tap of petite feet against the flooring entered the heavy space. "Knowing them, it'll more-so be nearing night! Or to who knows when, maybe later!" A snarky voice grimaced out, giggling quietly aside the softer, quiet voice. The sight of three pearls filled Spinel's sight - all aligned, and so perfect, yet.. So _imperfect_. Aside the yellow Pearl was none other then Pink Pearl, her bunned hair gently bobbing with each step. Her eye was full of brightness, and light. Adoration, amazement. Happiness. If it weren't for her injured eye, it could be assumed nothing ever happened to her.

"Hehe, I do have to agree with Yellow for once, Blue. They do get stuck in thought upon together, especially patrolling!" She exclaimed, almost childishly. It made Spinel feel warm, a sheepish grin slipping onto her face. Pink Pearl and Spinel weren't so different. Both on the wrong end of Pink, forgotten and lost - yet found. Well, for the most part. She didn't try to destroy Earth.

Her smile falters at this new thought, and found her shoulder's lowering in sheepishness and shame.

"Per..Perhaps Yellow is.. Somewhat right, eheh.. They do take a long while once they are.." Blue Pearl trailed off, eyes covered with bangs seemingly drifting to land on the lone Spinel.

"Ah.. Spinel. I hadn't expected you to be nearing here. Uhm.. Ha - Had White and Blue not brought you?" Blue asked gently, hands clasped together as she nervously shifted in her spot. Yellow seemed displeased, while Pink continued to hold her warm and open expression to Spinel. "I would imagine Yellow would want you for company, as well, if you hadn't wanted to patrol with Blue and White." Blue offered, fingers fumbling with her translucent 'skirt' of sorts.

Spinel shifts under the new eyes, spiked pony-tails visibly deflating and moving down rather then up and pointed.

"I.. Uhm. I - I actually, they didn't really.." Spinel tried to reason, thinking of a way that didn't sound completely pathetic. She couldn't just muster out that the Diamond's didn't bother to ask, it would only further admit of her loneliness, and she wouldn't hear the end of it from Yellow Pearl, surely! ".. I don't think they wa -"

Pink Pearl jolted up, hands pressed to her cheeks as she stepped forwards hastily.

"Oh! Yes. Indeed, good eye, Spinel!" She giggled, winking ( was that a joke at herself?) before grabbing her hand and bowing to the Pearl's. "Pink Spinel and I," oh dear, the name.. She hadn't heard that in ages.. "Have business to attend! And she was more then helpful to remind me of so. We will be on our way, if you need us, we will be discussing of the whereabouts and so on of where the Amethyst's wish to create their new Garden." _Garden_. Wait, discussion? 

Blue and Yellow Pearl offered each-other glances, before furrowing their brows and nodding in a confused manner - bowing back before hastily turning their foot to the left hallway path.

"What.. U - Uhm. What was that?" Spinel manages out, looking at Pink with a confused yet anxious expression.

The Pearl's grin falters, leaving her to hum idly, shifting in her spot before kneeling to properly meet Spinel's eyes. "They may be fools, but it doesn't mean I am as oblivious, Pink Spinel." She gently raised her skinny hands to grasp onto Spinel's gloved ones, holding firmly - not tight to cause discomfort, but.. To show her she was real, to hold her ground, in a way.

"I can see that something is wrong. Your hair," She paused, moving one hand to gently curl in her pink pony-tail. "It is faltering. Flat. Less exaggerated, if you catch me." She sights, facing her more properly. "I pay attention to your body-movements, to your changes. To know when and when not you are mad, sad.. Happy." She leaned in close, perked nose nearly pressing against Spinel's own. The closeness was strange, leading Spinel to nervously cackle and look around quickly. She didn't dare to move her hand, and instead latched on tighter to Pearl's. 

"I - I. Uhm. I don't think I get cha'." She sputters out, cheeks bright with shame and fear. 

Pearl pulled away, and stood up tall. "I see. Well, hm.." She pondered, hand gently pressing against her mouth. "..You're sad, Pink Spinel." 

Spinel grimaced and violently grabbed onto her hair, pulling tight. "Spinel, S - Spinel, its.. Not Pink. Please." She manages out, loosening her grasp once she felt the cool touch of Pearl against her burning skin. Pearl sadly smiled, eyes suddenly looking tired. "..A habit I need to release. I am sorry." She whispers almost, and gently holds onto her hand with her own, not waiting a second before she started to walk down the hallway. 

The darker pink gem shook her head and grumbled, brows furrowed as she walked aside and looked at her feet. "No, don't.. I shouldn't of snapped. I - I'm working on it, eheh.." She nervously laughed and hesitantly offered Pearl a smile, to which she prompted with a smile back. 

"We both are working on it. We both have our own needs, and surely soon we will get there." Spinel shook her head, noting the fact that they were heading in the direction to her room. So, she really meant it? "You, maybe. But me? Have ya' seen me, love? I'm.. I'm hopeless." She admits, tired eyes looking back down from the light Pearl aside her. 

Once they reached Spinel's room, Pearl gently used her gem to allow the door to open to them, letting them phase through and solidifying upon entrance.

She lead Spinel to her bed, and sat down with the softness touch. Almost like she was a feather, not causing a stir whatsoever. Spinel wished she could be like that. Light, gentle. A feather.

"You may think so, but I have seen great improvement in you. Look." Once Spinel sat next to Pearl, she scoots in closer and holds her hands, smiling warm and bubbly - fizzy and popping like that strange Earth drink. Burns on the way down, yet so sweet and amazing. "You're talking to me, right here - right now. You hadn't done it before. In fact, you avoided me. But here we are. Two of Pink's gems, perhaps we were left on the wrong side of fate. But, I am glad I was lead of this path. It let me meet you." Spinel's head was spinning, and she couldn't help but grin sheepishly. "Oh, jeez.. " She hums, blushing heavily.

Pearl gently rubbed her hand with her thumb, listening closely. "And I mean that. You mean a lot, Spinel. To not just me, but to a lot of gems. And humans, and more! Isn't that amazing?" She sighed contently, head gently leaning to the side.

"And because of that, I want you to talk to me. What is wrong, Spinel? I know it takes time, and will take time before you - _we, together_ are okay. But.." She paused, looking down for a moment, before perking back up. "I want you to be yourself with me. It's harder to be yourself, then it is to be anyone else. I sometimes even find myself forgetting I am not _not_ White Diamond. I am no longer her puppet, but my own being. I am Pearl. Not Pink's Pearl, or White's. Just _Pearl._ Or, what was it? Love, you call me?" She giggled, only making Spinel's blush extend further.

"Love fits ya'.." Spinel murmurs, eyes glancing down to a wall nearby - anything to not meet her eye.

Pearl notices this, and leaves her be. Knowing well forcing her to meet her eye would only be a decrease in improvement rather then increase. "And I will gladly hold onto that name, now.. I would love to joke and tease all day! But.. Let this day be about you, and you only. No worrying over Blue, or Yellow or White. Or Pink. Just you. Spinel, what is on your mind?"

"I'm afraid that my caterpillar doesn't love me anymore."

Admitting was the first step to getting better. But Spinel wasn't sure if she wanted to.


	2. Chapter 2

After the talk with Pink Pearl, days following after were rather similar. 

The petite Pearl would greet Spinel in the doorway of her room, gently asking for permission to enter - only to carefully sit aside the small Spinel and curiously ask about her day. And truly, Spinel did appreciate it. She just wished she had something to actually talk about. Not a lot went on in the palace, besides perhaps a new performance she had given the Diamonds, or some of the previous Amethyst and Jasper soldiers; but besides so, Spinel's life was quite uneventful. 

With an understanding nod, Pearl gazed off and pondered silently to herself. Her gaze lifted to who knew where, as she proceeded to fold her hands on one another slowly. "..Perhaps a new change in environment would be preferred, hm?" She offered, head turning back to meet Spinel's more so confused and hesitant face. 

"A new environment." Spinel repeated back, brows furrowed as she cleared her throat anxiously. Pearl nodded and reached to hold her hands, to which Spinel obliged bitterly. "Yes. Somewhere.. _Not_ on Homeworld, maybe?" Pearl's eye had a glint and shimmer of hope, that her words would perhaps help the poor Spinel redeem herself once and for all. But she knew better, and loosens her grasp on Spinel.

"I.. U - Uhm. I guess that would surely be something different, eh? But, ah.. Where did you have in mind, exactly?" Asked in a meek and quiet voice, Pearl's smile only grew warmer at this.

Her expression held so much to it, almost as if she was well aware of what she was doing, yet at the same time - _she was so mysterious. _

The skinny gem moved back up to her feet, and dragged Spinel alongside her, one hand letting go to point towards the doorway whilst the other held a careful grasp upon her squishy gloved hand. "Perhaps I can show you, it would be easier, after-all." She offers, tilting her head to the side slowly. Spinel held her doubts, and wanted nothing more then to bury herself within the gentle blankets of her bed. Perhaps she used the bed wrong, and buried in the warmth of soft pillows and comfort and just.. Stayed there. Staring ever-long at the ceiling and walls, in utter silence. 

It worked for her, so what was the problem? 

"..Sure." She murmurs, clearing her throat one last time as she offered a meek look back to the Pearl - whom's warm and gentle smile replaced with a now more eager yet nervous one. Pearl nods and begins to lead the way, taking a sharp turn towards a more warm and pink hued hallway. "You won't regret this, and.. I will be honest, Spinel. It is something I have been pondering over now for awhile. I think it truly would change things for the greater good."

Change. There that word was again. Spinel almost wished it was banished from every known dictionary.

It took awhile, but as the hallways grew lighter and lighter, it only came to her realization to where she was being brought to. They were sided on the more quiet, and abandoned side of the palace. It was the parts where Pink would be around, tiles and alignment still just as they were those thousands of years ago. It seemed to be the only part of the palace that wasn't re-rendered and improved. It still held the old, and distinct Homeworld feel that they held - now that was over-wound with new tech and new gems. It was strange, and uneasy feeling. 

Spinel was lost in the places they explored, so lost that she barely took notice to the fact that they stopped. Pearl stopped the two of them in front of a black wall, gentle glass exterior littering the outskirts of it. Spinel furrowed her brows, tired eyes looking about.

"I -.. I hate to be a buzzkill, Pearl, but.. I - I don't think I remember what this exactly.. _Is."_ She grumbles, somewhat ashamed that her memory had faltered so poorly. What did she have that was _so_ important to overwrite the acknowledgment of whatever this was? It wasn't like she truly lived out a lot in the past years. Quite the contrary of it, in fact. 

Pearl nodded quietly and raised a hand, the gem placed upon her tummy emitting a soft peach-colored glow. The dark wall lit up just barely, now showing the fact it was a window. Outside skittered stars, and debris from nearby planets; including their own. Plants, light-years away just barely in sight. And so much more, all so far and long away. It distracted Spinel from the true reasoning of being there, watching the stars and debris float about before following the pointed finger of Pearl - drifting further and further to the left..

"I think it would help. I know you're afraid." Terrified was more of a correct statement, she thought painfully. "And.. I know it truly won't be that easy to forget or forgive. But Spinel, trust me when I say this -" She twisted in her spot and keeled to meet her eyes, holding onto her hands closely. 

"Earth is so much more then a bad memory. I think going there, and making friends - rather then just me, would help you realize how much more there is then to this old palace, Spinel." Old was an understatement - who knew how long it was just sitting here now! And Spinel was fine with that. It was worn, and quiet and forgotten. It fit in all the right places.

But she wouldn't say that directly. Talking about her self-deprecating thoughts brought down the mood. And more importantly, it made Pearl sad. Sad that she couldn't help enough. And Spinel would rather have the heaviness of her self-hate drown her then see the soft, and petite Pearl before her even so shed a tear. She just meant so much to her. "..I mean. Ye - Yeah. Ah' guess, but.. Pearl. Where would I go? _What would I do?__ And.. Without you?"_ She tightened her hands around Pearl and almost feared for just a second Pearl would shatter under her. But she didn't. She squeezed back, and leaned in to kiss her nose.

A small action. Yet, why did it make Spinel's heart bloom?

"Steven. Again, you may disagree, but he cares about you. About us. He has a large heart, and I can guarantee he would be ecstatic to help you. We all want you to be happy, and if anyone knew the best to help someone hurt realize how much more there was out there for them; it would be Steven. As like us, he has been through so much. He is fixing Pink's mistakes, redeem her name. And that includes us. We are part of this story, and we will be our own gems. Not hers, not anyone's. Just Pearl and Spinel." She warmly grinned, her own cheeks lightly with color. It made Spinel want to hug her tightly, but she held back. She feared hurting Pearl, feared any disagreement that would bring her mood down. Because Pearl wanted her to be happy, so why couldn't she?

And why did it pain her to even imagine Pearl not around her - perhaps with another gem, having fun, while she rotted on Earth. Why couldn't Pearl come with her? And she almost asked. But she knew. Pearl had her doings to proceed on Homeworld, and this was a solo-mission. Or, a solo-break. Just Spinel. 

"..Bu - But, uh. What if he.. Gets mad, that I show up - or something.. I guess." She speaks in a hushed voice, ponytails deflating as she felt her confidence only lessen and lessen at the idea. But Pearl leaved her be, shaking her head as she returned her gaze back to the dark window of the outside space around them. "Steven would not get mad. Besides, I feel it would make him feel better as well."

But what did _he_ have to feel bad over? He didn't try to destroy the Earth. He didn't try to murder a child of someone who hurt him, that had nothing to do with his life or _story in general. Someone who didn't even know of her __existent and her pain or her name or her face and -_

"I'll go."

Pearl pulled back, eye widened in somewhat surprise. "Oh? But.. Spinel. If you don't want to, I understand. It is a big step, and big change! I just, was thinking that.." Spinel shook her head, and leaned away. She didn't want to disappoint her. To show that she was still so, so bitter. 

"Its fine, really. I jus'.. Maybe its for the better that I went. And tried to, _talk_ to Steven. An - And the others. Maybe learn more. Make friends?" She nervously giggled, and offered Pearl a small glance. She took the smile for granted, and exhales heavily. "..Well. If you want to. I support it. But listen.. You can change your mind. Going slow into fixing is just as good. I will be, no matter what, by your self." 

She sighs, and nods silently in response. 

Spinel hoped she meant it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry for errors — wrote this on my phone and boo wee boy doesn’t auto correct get annoying sometimes!

“You.. You want to visit — _Earth_?”

The elegant yet ever so droning voice of White Diamond spilled throughout the palace, ever-so slightly shifting from her tall demeanor to move onto her knees slowly and lightly, in hopes to not cause too much shifting and disturbances.

Then again, whilst floor shifted under the small Spinel’s feet, it wasn’t much of a shocker. Being 80-somethin’ feet tall definitely wasn’t easily to be _gentle._

”Oh, Spinel..” Another rumble shifted the ground, Blue Diamond moving to sit besides White in tow. “How swell. That seems like something you would adore, I feel it would be wonderful, b - but..” Blue shared worried eyes with White, opening her mouth to speak once more. Yet, nothing came out. Whilst Yellow moved to her knees aside Blue and White, the silence still was heavy.

“..Are you sure you want too?”

”Not that we disagree—“ 

“Of course not! Ohoho, we trust you dearly Starlight but!”

It seemed as all Diamonds kneeled forwards to their Spinel, eyes shone with worry and.. Something else she couldn’t quite decipher.

”It’s just..” Blue started, biting her lip nervously. “W - We.. Uhm.” Yellow tried next, only to look away with her cheeks dusted an orange like shade.

”Goodness! This is stalling! Starlight,” White sung out the nickname as she carefully reached to pick up Spinel — to which she obliged. The Diamond, now face to face with her sweet gem, smiled. “We just.. Goodness, we will miss you!” She exclaims, tears almost threatening to fall. 

Yellow and Blue moved to White’s side, cooing at the smaller gem with their own worried and distressed looks.

”We will miss your games, and jokes!” Yellow cried out, blush only darkening at the confession. “And your stories, and your presence overall..” Blue adds, light brows furrowed as she pouted. Yet, White seemed to be the most worried of all. Pink cheeks threatened to show through her colorless form, yet she didn’t hide in embarrassment as she usually would.

Instead, she leaned closer and managed the smallest of smiles.

“A change in scenery is always pleasant and.. Truly, my dear, I do approve of your wishes and will gladly send you to that.. Strange planet as soon as you’d wish but!..” She trailed off, taking a deep breath.

”..Y - You will come back, yes?” White asked quietly, her exaggerated and dramatic expression now contorted to a serious one — a sad one.

A pang of guilt hit Spinel at this, and she felt almost as if suddenly it was the worst idea in the universe. But she knew better, and cleared her through whilst moving to her tippy toes to lean up and gently press a kid to White’s nose. “It will only be for a few days, side’! Earth smells funny, and I would miss you guys! Nothing is gonna take me away from ya’ gals without a lil’ wrestle and tussle!” Upon pulling away she quickly punched and kicked the air for extra effect. Because after all, serious situations felt.. Weird.

Cracking in a joke felt much better then leaving it like that.

White’s previous expression softened and looked much more relaxed. As the same with Blue, whilst Yellow covered her mouth with one hand as she failed to stifle a cackle.

”She does have a point, Earth does smell!” Yellow cackled and moved her hand to her cheek, laughs bellowing her large stature. 

Blue, pleaded yet nodding agreement, gently giggled as she leaned in to twirl one of Spinel’s ponytails with a slender finger. “Yes.. Quite so.. As well, our sweet Spinel is a fighter. She will be just fine, safe and sound.. Like a.. Baby?” Baby. Sounded familiar. But be some human junk she never heard of.

White finally nodded in approval, smiling widely as she gazed at the scene before her.

”Yes, yes! Very much so. Our sweet Starlight will be safe and sound. Especially in the hands of our sweet, sweet..” All three Diamonds cooed and smiles further, brows raised. “Grandson. Oh, this will be swell. You too can bond finally!” White exclaims, grinning.

”Yes.. Perhaps you too will grow closer!” Blue adds, gently moving to pull away and clasp her hands together.

Yellow wrapped an arm around Blue and furrowed her brows, smiling dreamily. “Oh, Steven will definitely get closer to our sweetheart. What’s not to love! They have so much in common.” Blue leaned into her fellow Diamond’s touch. “Yet so much different. Ohh.. Will this be it?” She asks, blue blush now tinting her own cheeks. 

“Will this be.. _Our _Happy Family? Us three..” She spoke quietly, leaning to meet White’s tearful eyes. “Our Starlight.. Our Steven Universe. It seems everything is coming together.”

White nods and moves to set the Spinel in her shoulder, standing back up and pressing hands firmly to her hips.

”Yes! Oh Stars, this _is_ it.” She coos to no one in particular and blushes a more bright shade of pink now. “Our own little, happy family! Yes. We shall send you ASAP, little Starlight!” She exclaims, now beginning to walk forwards with little wait for her fellow Diamonds in tow.

”Blue, be a sweetie and notify the Pearls to pack for Starlight. I will send Steven a message of her arrival shortly here! Oh, what of a special outfit? Perhaps a dress! Oh goodness, this will be perfect.” Blue does a small, sheepish now and giggles — nodding. “Right away. I’m sure they will pack all the perfect necessities.” She smiles, slowly making way to the exit.

Spinel leaned into the fluffy mask of White’s mane, eyes half lidded as she exhaled.

She truly wished she could achieve the Diamond’s expectations. Truly, she wasn’t expecting them to be so.. Excited.

They now had high-standards, she kept reminding herself.

Don't fail then.


End file.
